I grew up in a large Southern Christian family. I am not going say if that means we are individually big folks, if there is a lot of us, or both.

Each year when I was growing up, we gathered at the end of a holler in rural Appalachia at my grandparent’s house to celebrate Christmas.

First, my grandfather would read a passage about the birth of Jesus from the book of Luke in the Bible, and then he prayed. Afterwards, we ate, ate, and ate. My grandmother cooked for days to prepare for this feast. My mother and my aunts also brought food. Then, we exchanged gifts. A couple of my older cousins passed out the presents. First, my grandparents opened theirs, then the rest of us. Then the fun began!

We wadded up wrapping paper and had paper-ball fights. Paper-balls flew until my mammaw had her annual conniption fit: “Ya’ll stop throwin’ things and runnin’ around my house right now. You older kids are worse than the little ones!”

She threw as many paper-balls and had as much fun as the rest of us. But once her fit started, we knew it was time to quit.

When I was fifteen, I spent Christmas stoned and passed out on my mother’s sofa. Unaware I used drugs, she woke me up several times and asked me if I was sick.

Another year, I lived 2,500 miles away from my family. My mother called and begged me to fly home for Christmas. She offered to purchase my ticket. My parents did not did not drink, and did not permit others to drink in their home. I was terrified I would have DTs if I went without alcohol, and did not go.

One Christmas Eve before I was old enough to legally drink, I sat alone at a bar in Las Vegas. I drank until I blacked-out.

Today in recovery, I am a responsible. I no longer disappoint or hurt my family and friends by lack of participation. I arrive on time where I am supposed to be, and carrying what I committed to bring.

I can not recreate my precious childhood Christmas memories, nor can I change my past regrets. But I am creating treasured memories from my new experiences. I praise God I’m clean, sober, abstinent, and once again having wadded paper-ball fights on Christmas.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

May God bless you and yours this Holiday Season.

Recovery Rocks!
Roxie

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