Relapse in recovery from alcoholism and addiction is predictable and preventable.

In the blogging tradition of Thirteen Thursday , here are thirteen warning signs which can lead to relapse:

• Lying: There is a Trivia game card that asks: How can you tell when an addict is lying? Answer: His lips are moving. You lie about how much you are using, how you spend your money, where you were all night, and why you miss work every Monday. By the time you seek treatment, you end up even lying to yourself. Recovery requires rigorous honesty.
• Euphoric recall: You remember addictive behavior as ecstatic rather than insane. Instead of recalling the negative consequences of your drinking and drugging, you reminisce about the good times. You forget about the time an ER doctor lanced abscesses on your am because you missed a hit, or you stayed up five days on a meth run and your three-year-old daughter was terrified of you, or you came to out of a blackout in a bathtub of cold water. In recovery, you need to “play the tape all the way through” and carry your memories through to the end where you bottomed out.
• Self-pity: One of the sayings in Alcoholics Anonymous is “Poor me, pour me a drink.” At Twelve Step meetings in the Southern USA, the acronym PLOM stands for “Poor lil’ ol’ me.” Self-pity is feeling sorry for yourself while negating what you have to be grateful for. If you are willing to look, you probably won’t have to look far to find someone who is worse off than you are.
• Fault finding with the Program and Program People: Twelve Step programs are not perfect, and they never will be. That’s a given going in, and if you expect otherwise, you will be disappointed, and possibly disgusted. By design Twelve Step fellowships are for sick men and women in various stages of recovery from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, and SASTO: Some Are Sicker than Others. Some meetings are better than others. Some sponsors are better than others. Some groups serve better coffee. If you want to complain, you will find a reason. If what you are doing isn’t working, change the plan, but don’t abort the mission.
• Complacency: Complacency is a trickster and can be hard to identify. It is an attitude of having arrived, believing the problem is gone, thus efforts to maintain recovery are no longer necessary. People who are complacent take their recovery for granted.
• Impatience: Addicts and alcoholics are also have Spoiled Brat Syndrome: “I want what I want when I want it, and I want it NOW.” Addition is about immediate gratification. Recovery requires patience and the willingness to trust the process.
• Collecting stamps: Old-timey people used to collect trading stamps at the grocery store, paste them in books, and when they had collected enough, trade them for various household items. Collecting psychological trading stamps is the process of hanging onto little things until they build up, become overwhelming, and lead to relapse. One of my favorite philosophers Benny Hill, the British comedian, said: “Anyone can sit on a mountainside all day. How long can you sit on a little pin?”
• Cockiness: The healthy fear of addiction fades and Invincibility returns. “I keep liquor in my house in case my friends wanna come over and party. It doesn’t bother me. Ain’t no way I’ll ever drink again.”
• Denial: When denial resurfaces in recovery, you start thinking things weren’t that bad when you were drinking and drugging. You revert to blaming your job, your wife, or the cop who gave you the ticket for your third DWI for your problems.
• Hanging out at old haunts with old friends: “I can hang out at clubs and handle it. I just go to listen to the music.” “Yea, I know they still do dope over there, but that don’t mean I will.” As they say at meetings in Las Vegas: “You don’t go to a whorehouse for a haircut.”
• Lack of self-discipline: You stop keeping commitments, cleaning your house, and balancing your checkbook. Recovery is about being responsible and growing up, whether you are 19 or 49.
• Planning your relapse around other people’s schedules: You think, “My husband will be out of town next weekend. He’ll never know if I drink on Saturday. I’ll be sobered up by the time he gets home Sunday evening.” He might not know if you drink, but you will. And you may, or may not get another chance at sobriety.
• Fantasizing about drinking and drugging: And only you know. Your sponsor, friends in the program, family, or therapist can’t read your mind. They can not reach out to help you unless you let them know what you are thinking. The willingness to recovery must come from within.

There are many more warning signs of relapse from alcoholism and addiction. Feel free to print this list and add to it as you hear warning signs mentioned at meetings and in your conversations with other people in the program.

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Roxie

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