Art is a recovering heroin addict who knows what it’s like to wake up “strung out, broke, and sick as a dog.”

He says, “It takes what it takes to get clean, but the main thing is to never ever give up and if you relapse, keep coming back.”

That’s what Art did.

You can read about his recovery journey on his blog at Heroin Addiction.

An interview with Art:

What was your life like when you were using? 
My life when I was using was out of control. I was in one kind of trouble or another all the time. It seems like I was always trying to come up with a way to stay high. I sold dope, stole things, and did whatever was necessary to get “one more.” I thought I was too slick to get caught. I did get busted selling dope, but my family hired me an attorney and charges were dismissed. That’s all I ever thought about. I remember when I was around 18 being proud of the fact that I had shot dope every day straight for a year. I thought that was cool. My family always was there to help bail me out of jail and help finance my addiction. Then when I was around 32 I got in trouble and they could not help. This time I went to the State Penn.

You asked what does the term “addict” mean for me and this is from the NA Basic Text and I really can’t describe it any better than this:

Most of us do not have to think twice about this question. WE KNOW! Our whole life and thinking was centered in drugs in one form or another - the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more. We lived to use and used to live. Very simply, an addict is a man or woman whose life is controlled by drugs. We are people in the grip of a continuing and progressive illness whose ends are always the same: jails, institutions and death.”

This pretty much sums it up for me.

This is how I got clean after about a dozen attempts and going to prison twice. Once was not enough…..an addict can’t do one of anything.

How did you manage to get clean?
I was strung out on heroin, broke, and sicker than a dog so I decided to go to rehab. The program was around 21-28 days, I don’t remember for sure. I knew that if I went back home again after I got out I would use again because I did every other time. Well there was a long term program for up to 2 yrs in the same building so I inquired about it and signed up. My higher power was looking out for me because I went right from the program I was in into long term.

There were 12 of us in the program and we did chores and we went to group twice a week for about three hours. We were also required to do 90 meetings in 90 days and have one on one therapy with our counselor once a week. If you used drugs you were kicked out, period.

It was an excellent program.

I can tell you right now that I did not know how to live with out drugs. I used drugs to do everything I did. I thought they gave me courage. When I first started my therapy sessions my therapist would give me assignments. One time she suggested that I share at a meeting. I will add I was afraid to share because I thought I may sound stupid or something, (like I never looked stupid when I was passed out in public). Anyway I had more fears than I can count. Another time she had me to tell a guy I felt left out when he did not personally ask me to go fishing. I don’t know about anyone else, but when I was using we did not share our feelings unless it was to jump on someone or something like that.

Well I got the courage to do it. There were a whole lot of other fears I faced also. One by one I faced them all. I can’t tell you how great that is. I did complete my 90 in 90 and was shooting for a six month string. I think I had to miss one about the last day. We were on a camping trip and the guys said we will have meeting for you at camp. I was upset because I was going to mess up my string of meetings.  Can you imagine that?  A dope fiend like me being upset about missing a meeting!

One of our interns was going to school and she was about same age as me and she suggested I go back to school too. I thought it over because I had not been to school in thirty years or more. I was telling myself things like “you are too old to go back to school” or “you are not smart enough to go back to school,” and the list goes on and on.

I decided to go even though I was quite scared. Like I said, I did not know how to act around others without drugs and now I was putting myself in the position to be around a lot of young folks. I can’t begin to tell you all the stuff that was running through my head the first day of class. I wanted to run out of the class and not look back, but I faced my fear and I stayed. This has happened on other occasions as well and each time I stuck it out.

That was over three year ago and I am now two thirds of the way to getting my bachelors degree in Social Work. I am currently taking the last class right now I need to complete my minor in substance abuse.

I will tell you this: if an old dope fined like me can stay clean and go back to school then I believe you can accomplish your goals too. It is not always easy and you will want to give up, but don’t. If you are anything like me then you always took the easy way out in life.  Recovery is about finding a new way. It took a whole lot of meetings and a whole lot of therapy to get me to where I am today. I have to give thanks to my Higher Power and to NA for all their help along the way, for without them, I would more than likely be dead.

What is your life like now?
My life is great I am going to school and still attend meetings. I have a lot of friends and look forward to doing new things. I try to stay focused on positive things and am looking forward to the future and not dreading the past because that’s what it is…..the past is over and done with and I can’t change it so I must accept it as a learning experience. It takes what it takes to get clean, but the main thing is to never ever give up and if you relapse, keep coming back….I did. I was a chronic relapser too.

Have you used Suboxone  or Subutex?
Yes, I used Subutex to detox in treatment several times. I also was prescribed Suboxone for when I got out of treatment. It did not work for me that well, though it may work for others.  My suggestion is that if you cannot stay clean by any other means then give it a try, you have nothing to lose.  But it did not fit well in my recovery personally. Like I said it takes what it takes.

Thank you Art for sharing your experience, strength, and hope.

Please check out Art’s blog at Heroin Addiction.

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