I am a recovering addict, alcoholic, and bulimic. When I was 15 years old, I was arrested, declared an addict in court, and ordered to drug rehab.

During my first session, a psychologist interviewed me and completed a biopsychsocial assessment:

The consideration of biological, psychological, and social factors in working with individuals and families. Typically, a comprehensive biopsychosocial assessment is undertaken to gather relevant facts and arrive at a complete understanding of a client’s problem, situation, or circumstances.

Then we developed a treatment plan, also called a service plan:

A written plan of action based on the assessment of consumer needs and strengths that identifies problems, sets goals, and describes a strategy for achieving those goals and engaging in joint problem solving with the consumer.

At that vicarious juncture, my plan was to tell the psychologist whatever he wanted to hear to accomplish my goal of being released from house arrest and probation. I had every intention of pulling a “geographical cure” and relocating to Las Vegas across the country from my family where I would be free to drink, drug, and live my life as I pleased.

Several times since getting clean and sober, I established goals for myself.

I set educational goals when attending college, professional goals when reviewing my annual contract with my employer, and recovery goals when working with my sponsors.

Last night, I talked on the phone with a Christian friend who prays with me daily. He asked me what I want to accomplish before I die.

“I want to tell people what Jesus has done for me, raise my daughter and be there when my grandchildren are born, carry the message of recovery to the addict,  alcoholic, and bulimic who still suffers, finish editing my memoir and find a publisher, pay off my debts, and burn less biscuits.”

He laughed and said, “What will it take for you to accomplish your goals?”

“I gotta to stay clean and sober.”

My goals can and do change. But as an addict, alcoholic, and bulimic, the priority and constant variable in my life needs to be recovery, or I cannot accomplish them.

It’s predictable, if I relapse, the outcome will be incarceration, institutionalization, or death.

I used to hear people say that at meetings and think, Yea right. You aren’t a prophet.You have no idea what will happen if I go back out.

Then my husband relapsed.

First there were the arrests followed by five institutionalizations in three years when he was adjudicated to treatment.

Then there were the overdoses.

Then there was the last overdose.

The one when he died.

My goal is to die clean, sober and abstinent, whether I live another day, or until I am an old woman with chin whiskers chasing old men in diapers down the halls of a nursing home.

I can only accomplish this by living in recovery, one day at a time.

If a day becomes too long, then one hour at a time.

If an hour becomes too long, then one minute at a time.

I have no guarantee against relapse, nor is one available.

This morning, I knelt and asked the Lord to help me not drink, drug, binge, purge, or starve, no matter what happens today. Then I read my Bible and meditated upon His word.

Of all the tools that I am aware of in Twelve Step recovery programs , prayer and meditation are the ultimate choice for insurance against dying from this disease.

Recovery Rocks!

Roxie

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