If you are a practicing alcoholic or in recovery from alcoholism (or other addictions), your loved ones may recognize you in the Five Stages of Drunkenness.

It is, however, unlikely you will recognize yourself.

Stage One: SMART
You suddenly become an authority on every subject in the world. You know everything about everything, and are on a mission to share your vast knowledge with anyone willing to listen. As a self-appointed expert, you are always right, no exceptions, and no one can convince you otherwise. And of course, it’s a given, everyone else is wrong. The only thing more educational than basking in your brilliance is listening to you engage in verbal banter with another smart person, usually found sitting next to you at the bar.

Stage 2: GOOD LOOKING
Elvis has nothing on you, baby. You are suddenly the best looking person in the place and everyone knows it. Not only are you drop-dead gorgeous and can have anyone you want, you are still smart and can converse with anyone about everything.

Stage 3: RICH
You suddenly become the richest person on the planet. You buy rounds for the entire bar because you have an endless supply of money. You also make bets because you are still smart, so naturally, you will win.

Stage 4: BULLET PROOF
You suddenly pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially those bigger than you. Nothing they do can hurt you. You have no fear because, after all, you are smart, rich, a helluva lot better looking than they are.

Stage 5: INVISIBLE
You suddenly can do anything you want because no one can see you. You can dance naked on a table, pee in the corner, or take a nap in the street and no one will notice because you are invisible.

Recovery Rocks!

Roxie

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